Being back and changing

The last time we spoke I had just graduated a certified young leader from the program I’ve kept mentioning since we started. But it was a really touch and go, short and sweet note. You read my note and came to me with congratulations and it passed.

In podcasting they tell you, like with all other digital content that consistency is key. That if you go away too long the people forget you. They move on and replace your slot with someone else. But as I sit here and think about this, though I understand, I disagree. With authors and musicians and poets and films, we wait. They come out with work and then they go away. And we…well, we wait. We know they have gone to create something stunning. Something wonderful that will fill us and satisfy us. And I identify with that cycle of work more deeply. I think podcasting should be more art than content. That’s why I went away.

So, I took a trip to the bottom of it. A while back I talked to you about remembering why you started, that’s around the time when we talked about external and internal validation and their effect on motivation. Do you remember that? And true to process, after dealing at least at this point, with the validation one, here we are with the motivation one. The why. I started this podcast because I had once been a person that wanted to get into a program and missed the opportunity time and time again. I had been hurt by missing out and feeling like then my very real leadership story, unfolding daily through the opportunities I had, was not worth much because well, I didn’t get in. I started this so that anyone who doesn’t get in, and anyone who never even imagines of getting in, gets this. I had started to lose sight, or rather the precision of that initial motivation. And it showed. At least to me.

Somewhere at the bottom of it. Think the bucket you’ve just drained after laundry or dishes, where you find the coins and metal. You know, the heavy things that often sink to the bottom. I found out that how I handled our meetings was not getting the job done. You came and I avoided what you came for. I don’t want to be the intense one who you avoided. I wanted to be the one you always thought of when you had time on your hands. When we met, I told you that I was interested in where you were in this whole process. I still believe that, wholeheartedly. But with time, I have also come to believe that method is everything. The conversation we have is deliberate. You are on a path and I wanna help. I listened, I shared but there was more I could have done. More so that when you’re back with the team on Tuesday or on Thursday afternoon in that meeting, you can see the room more clearly. That you see you..in the room. That you know how to be in that team and where to go next.

And that right there is the pocket where my passion is. To see you become something. In reconceptualizing why you give me time, why you meet me weekly. Why when you can’t make it, you make plans to come sit with me, I recognize the chance. I recognize the trust. I recognize the responsibility. And I wanna honor that.

So I went and got friends. People that knew we met every week and people that believed that our time was not in vain. And we talked and dreamt and made plans, so I could make your time more worthwhile. So I’m back, with friends and a clearer vision of you. So I don’t have to sound distracted when you come to meet me. It was only a matter of time before you started hating it. Before I lost you. I am back. I have help and accountability and my small community is growing.

You’re looking at me like something is wrong. No.. I am okay. I am happy actually. Excited to be back with you. Okay? Relax. I am just so aware of you.. Of us.. Of our time and how we spend it. Believe me, okay?

So I’ll see you next Saturday. We have lots of catching up to do.

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