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The 2 Most Powerful Ways To Overcome Dating Anxiety

I believe it is very possible to overcome your dating anxiety. And in this article I share what I believe to be the 2 only things you need in order to do it.

Overcoming dating anxiety is not something that you can do just by reading a couple of quick tips on the internet… Getting over any anxiety issue requires you to develop new skills and to take action if you TRULY want your anxiety to go down. This is no different for dating anxiety.

A mix of developing mindfulness skills to learn how to relax and pushing your comfort zones little by little is what I believe to be your best bet for overcoming dating anxiety. But before we start, I just want to bring attention to an important point.

It’s important to note that “overcoming” your dating anxiety might not mean exactly what you think it means. When most people read the word “overcoming”, they associate it to completely eradicating their anxiety.

But to me, “overcoming” your dating anxiety means that you stop making “anxiety” act as a barrier that stops you from going on dates. I think it’s very important to understand the difference because believing that “overcoming” anxiety means that your suppose to reach a point where you feel no more anxiety will only make things worst for you.

You know why? Because reaching such a point (where the anxiety is completely gone) is a fantasy… It can’t happen because anxiety is a normal human emotion that everybody goes through on a regular basis. I’m not saying that you cannot reduce your dating anxiety by a lot… But thinking that the aim is too get to a point where the anxiety no longer shows up will only end up deceiving you.

That being said, here are the 2 ways to overcome dating anxiety.

Dating anxiety is often just a problem of being too caught up in your own mind. Figuring how to stop doing this will be one of (if not the biggest) beneficial factor to help you become that cool, calm and collected person I know you are deep down inside!

If you can learn, practice, implement and develop your ability to relax in general in your day to day life, then dating will also become much easier for you.

That’s why its really important to learn how to calm your anxiety down. This is not a one-time-deal type of thing… What I’m talking about is like learning to play a new sport, or learning to play a musical instrument. Learning to relax is a SKILL.

You cannot be a nervous wreck in social situations in general and expect to feel any differently when your on a date. The two go hand in hand. The idea is to learn how to relax in GENERAL, and this will in turn mean that you’ll be able to apply your new found skill to your dating life.

I highly suggest mindfulness training to accomplish this. It will teach you how to become more relaxed in your day to day and give you powerful techniques to deal with anxiety when it comes up (like when your on a date for example).

Here are 3 courses that you can take online that will teach you powerful mindfulness techniques that you can use anywhere and at anytime.

Mindfulness Training

ACT Mindfulness Training

Mindfulness Training App

I’m not into making people waist their time and I don’t believe in giving you information that might sound good and appealing on the surface, but that doesn’t actually help. I give it to you straight, even if it sometimes feels uncomfortable…

Listen, the #1 best way to overcome your dating anxiety is to go on as many dates as you can… I have seen first hand how doing this can completely change how you feel while dating. Its the closest thing that exist to a “magic pill” solution to this problem.

Overcoming dating anxiety does not have to be complicated… The most straight forward way to do it is to just jump in and go on as many dates as you can. But if that sounds to intense for you, then progressively desensitize yourself to it would be more appropriate for you.

Here is exactly how to do both:

This is the option that I chose and if I can do it, then you can do it too.

The idea behind option A is this:

You cannot overcome your fear of something without facing what it is you are afraid of

This option is the best in my opinion but it also comes with a hefty price; it requires you to deal with a very high level of nervousness during the first few dates.

It’s the equivalent of dragging yourself in the situation even if your kicking and screaming because of your fear.

A best way I found to deal with this was to go on dates as “practice shots”… Where the purpose of the date is switched from trying to “impress the other person” to using the date as “exposure” to our fear.

The only goal of going on dates in this way is to survive for the entire length of the date and repeat the process until we find the partner of our dreams.

Going on dates will always instill some nervousness in us, if you feel bold enough and want the quickest way to become comfortable on dates, then this option is for you.

If option A sounds to intense for you, you can work your way up to it, little by little. The idea behind this form of exposure is that you slowly but surely push your comfort zones until your able to go on a date.

Option A is like making yourself go on a date when your anxiety is a 9–10 out of 10 until you habituate yourself and that these situations don’t produce as much anxiety for you anymore.

Option B is doing stuff that push our comfort zones just a little (anxiety level of about 5–7), until we reach a point where even the date falls into that range of anxiety.

But keep in mind that dates will probably always bring with them some level of anxiety and nervousness. This is ABSOLUTLY normal and I doubt that anybody feels 100% calm before and during a date.

But here is a list of steps you can take to get yourself to be able to go on dates:

1.

Start by chatting on online dating sites.This will enable you to get into the habit of talking to someone your interested in.

2.

Try to hold eye contact with people from the opposite sex. This puts you into the habit of pushing your comfort zones.

3.

Get into the habit of extending conversations with the people you come into contact with in your day to day. If you order a coffee in the morning, instead of just making your order, just say “Hey, how are you doing today?”… Its as simple as that. The goal is to push your comfort zones at every chance you get, even if its just by a little.

4.

Join meet-up groups from meetup.com and get into the habit of being around people. I cannot stress this enough… If you want to get comfortable in a date, you need to be comfortable around people in general.

5.

You can join meet up groups for singles from meetup.com that do fun and exiting things. Like this there is a lot less pressure than if you were on an “one-on-one” date with somebody. Plus, you get to do something interesting.

6.

Try getting somebody you were chatting or texting with from an online site to talk to you on the phone. This is less intense than being face to face.

7.

Try joining meet-ups for shy and socially anxious people. If you live in a big enough city, chances are that such a group exists. Doing this allows you to meet people that are going through the same thing as you. You’ll also learn how to feel comfortable around others.

8.

Do improv! This will help you tremendously! It has so many benefits to helping you go on dates. I find that one of the main benefits is that it allows you to stop caring about looking silly. If you can, commit and practice improv for the long term.

9.

Get the help of a professional dating coach.These people exist in pretty much every major city. Just contact them and tell them your situation. Explain that you are TERRIFIED of dates and see if there’s something they can do to help. Chances are that they have already dealt with somebody just like you or worst… This is a no-brainer…

10.

Don’t do “formal” dates.Instead of going for dinner with somebody as a first date, I find it very helpful to do an activity (like mini-golf, bowling, go see a show, visit a museum etc.) I used to hate being “stuck” face to face with somebody… doing something that takes the focus away of being on a date can help.

Hope this article helps! See you soon!

Steph

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